Gir,Speller of Doom
by supersoniclink
Summary: Zim leaves Gir alone for 3 days, and during those three days crazy stuff stars to happen.Dib trys to stop Gir from getting even more powerful but instead things get much worse. Chapter 6.
1. The beginning

_My first Invader Zim Story so go easy. This first chapter is short but they will get longer and funnier._

"Me love the little tacos." said Gir stuffing his face full of beef tacos.

"Ugh. You make me sick. Gah! That has to be the most revolting thing I've ever seen." said Zim who was watching Gir eat. "Ew .Gir!"

"Yes, my taco lord!" said Gir jumping up to meet Zim.

"Stop eating and listen up. I have to go to planet Snacknowia. Apparently they have snacks. It appears that SOMEONE has eaten all our food and the last thing I want to do is eat the humans revolting, slimy excuse for food. I need you to take care of the base while I'm gone. Understand?"

"Taquitos are nice…."

"Look Gir! Just take care of the base okay? I should be back in three days until then watch TV or something."

"Ok!" Yells Gir who runs to the sofa.

"Sometimes I worry about you, Gir." said Zim as he left to Snacknowia.

**3 hours after Zim's departure:**

"I'm bored…" said Gir. He looked around for a while then spotted the phone. He snatched the phone then started dialing random numbers.

"This is Count CocoaFang. Leave your number so I can come over to steal the chocolate goodness inside you mortal."

"Hello thank you for calling the FBI. If you wish to report a ninja ghost press 1 now." Gir pressed 9. "Thank you for reporting evil bee babies. Some will come over to save you eventually."

"Bloaty's Pizza Hog. How can I help you?"

"Gimme 500 taco pizzas with extra peanuts."

"Someone will come over to deliver your meal in anywhere from ten minutes to 5 hours. "

"Heeheeheeheheee!" yelled Gir as he hanged up.

**10 minutes to 5 hours later:**

_Dingdong._ "Bloaty's Pizza Hog."

"YAHOO!PIZZA!" yelled Gir as he put doggie suit and opened the door.

"Um… is the owner of the house here?" said the Pizza delivery guy.

"Welcome home son!" yelled the roboparents.

"Mom? Dad?" said the pizza guy as he started to cry. "I thought you died in the toilet accident."

"Let's go play on the roof using sharp knives. "Said Robodad.

"DAD! IT IS YOU!WAHHHH!" said the Pizza guy as he started hugging the roboparents and he dropped the pizza.

"Yummy!TACOPIZZA and salted nuts." said Gir as he started to eat.

"FBI! Freeze you evil honeybees!" said a tall man with a nametag that read Greg. "Huh? SWEET JUMPING CHILI BEANS! A Dog eating Pizza! Someone call the FBI! Oh wait I'm the FBI. Man, I got here fast."

**Dib's House:**

"Zim wasn't in school today. He's probably working on his next evil plan. HA! As long as I, DIB am around he'll never take over the world!" yelled Dib. "I better use my telescope to see what's going on in Zim's house after that I'm going to take my medication which will prevent me from talking to myself any longer!"

Dib looked into his telescope and was shocked to see a group of people outside Zim's house and a giant van with the word FBI outside.

"Could it be? Did the idiots finally figure out that Zim is an alien? Whoa, where are my pills?"

_See! I told you this chapter was short. I'll update in 3 days or less, but I'll update sooner if you review!_


	2. Pizza, Gir, and a giant pig

_Thanks for reviewing everyone. I know I promised a longer chapter but I lied…the next one though will be long. And if it is not….my lightning strike..looks up at sky my brother._

Dib quickly ran toward Zim's house to see what was going on, when he got there he saw Gir munching on a piece of pizza. A huge mob of people around Dib yelled or screamed or stood in awe as they saw Gir busily eating away.

"What so cool about that! You guys are idiots! It's the alien's house! ALIEN!" yelled Dib.

"Now listen here little boy." said Greg the FBI guy. "We are not idiots. We are AMERICAN IDIOTS!"

Dib slapped himself. "Check the house! That dog isn't even a normal dog!"

"You're right. This is not a normal dog. It's a super pizza eating dog! We must show it to the all mighty god of pizza, otherwise known as Bloaty!" yelled Greg as he picked up Gir and took him into the FBI truck.

"WAHOO! CAR RIDE!" yelled Gir as Greg stuffed him in a sack.

The whole mob of people went after the truck leaving Dib alone except for the pizza delivery guy, he was still there.

"MOMMY!" yelled the guy.

"I made brownies!" yelled Robomom holding a toilet.

"Just like old times!" yelled the guy putting his face into the toilet.

Greg took Gir to a strange mysterious place full of Pizza, TV, and couches. The walls were even made of pepperoni and in the middle of it all, a huge pig sitting on a huge throne.

"Oh mighty hog holder of cheesy goodness and poisoned pepperoni, we have brought you a gift!"

said Greg holding up Gir. Bloaty grabbed Gir and put him in his lap.

"Hee hee hee. You smell like dookie." said Gir giggling.

"TELL ME FOOLISH MORTAL. WHY DO YOU LOVE PIZZA?" asked Bloaty.

"Um…I like cheese!"

Bloaty gasped. "This is the chosen one! Long have I waited for the little green dog who talks of cheese and ham."

"But he didn't say anything about-" started Greg.

"Be quiet! Now bow down to your new pizza god…Um what's your name?"

"ME….don't remember…wait it's coming…wait….it coming…"

**3 hours later:**

It don't Gir. Wait, Gir! Me am Gir!"

"ZZZ…Oh what? Finally. Now let the world be known that the slow witted insane Gir shall rule over Pizza!"

"How do you know my name!" yelled Gir hiding behind a pillow. Bloaty smacked himself.

"Now before you get on my last nerve and force me to break your little green head open, you will be sworn in as the new pizza god!"

"WAHHO! What that mean?" said Gir.

"You rule over pizza."

"OOOOYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYAYY!"

_I know I'm getting kinda lazy but that's because I have to work on other stuff. For now live with this .I'll try to write more but I'm having writer's block. Wait! It's gone! My writer's block is gone. WAH AHA HA HAA! ME GOT BRILLIANT IDEA! NOW BEFORE I GO COMPLETELY NUTS … REVIEW! _


	3. Zim ,organs,and the truththingy

_Thanks for the reviews everyone! Anyway I think that everyone is thinking that I am thinking that you are thinking about what is happening to Zim during all this time…so this is a whole chapter on Zim! Warning: this was written after eating candy about -um- how much is a whole bag? _

"Finally I get a little alone time (looks at readers)….is that a camera? You dare to spy on Zim! Your future ruler, Zim?" yells Zim (duh) as he blasted the camera with a laser. Luckily the author had a backup camera that Zim didn't know about. After about an hour of flying Zim finally saw his destination a green planet called Snacknowia, a planet well know for….its snacks. Now isn't that interesting?

Zim found the perfect place to land between two Vort ships. "Ok now to land!" yelled Zim as he pushed a red button in the cockpit, the landing gear didn't go down. "Hey….what gives!" Yelled Zim as he started jamming the button in. "Wait is the landing gear the red button or was it the Green button? Oh no. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHA!" yelled Zim as he flew up into the air. "SO it was the Green button, the red one was eject….I Mean OH MY GREAT TALLEST! I'm GOING TO DIE!" _SPLAT!_ Zim had crashed in the middle of a weird desert with a huge factory in front.

The factory looked important. It was well guarded with aliens with giant blue horns coming out of their heads which were bigger than their little body. Their skin was a dark brown and despite their huge horns they were only a bit taller than Zim. Two of these soldiers came up to Zim who was eating alien dirt!

"Halt! You may not enter." said one of them.

"MUH HUM MUH!" mumbled Zim whose face was still in the dirt.

'Our names huh?"

"NUH UH." said Zim lifting his face off. "I don't need names of those soon to be conquered by an Irken invader."

"Our names huh? Well my name is Toidi!" said the shorter one of them who was the size of Zim.

"And my name is…Smean- Smeamn- Ssmean- Oh whatever, call me Steve."

"And I'm going to find my snacks that me deserve!" said Zim walking forward, but he was again stopped by Toidi and Steve.

"I said Halt, Going To Snacks That Me Deserve, if that is your real name." said Steve.

"I don't believe him either, Steve. Let's use the Truththingymagiger!" yelled Toidi.

"Oh,Oh. I've always wanted to use It." said Steve as he took out a strange purple box. "This will make you tell the truth. Now…who are you?"

"I'M AN AMERICAN IDIOT!" yelled Zim. The two guards looked at each other.

"Ok let's try a different question, Why are you here?"

"I'm going to the CANDY SHOP.I'M GOING TO LICK THE LOLLIPOP."

"Um…Are you feeling all right?"

"I'm NOT OKAY.I'm NOT OKAYYYY!" yelled Zim.

"What's wrong with him?"

"It's not him that's the problem. You've got the truththingymagiger on _sing lyrics of earth songs."_ said Toidi grabbing the TTM (short for truththingymagiger). "Let's see…okay now it's set on truth. Now who are you really?"

"I'm an alien." said Zim.

"Okay, what kind of alien?"

"A cute alien."

"What species?

"The cute species."

**3 hours later….**

"Let's try this again…. What alien species are you?"

"The sweet, adorable, and ruler of the human kind."

"AHHAH! I CAN'T TAKE IT! IT'S BEEN 3 HOURS! 3 HOURS! WHY DON'T YOU TELL US YOUR NAME!"

"Oh, my name. You didn't ask me about my name." The two alien looked at each other and slapped each other.

"Okay.What is your name?"

"My name is ZIM! Ruler of all humans, destroyer of worlds, conqueror of the doomed, winner of the wars-"

**3 more hours later…**

"That's why I shall rule the world and why I'm the best soldier ever, and why little babies smell like dookie." said Zim.

"Amazing…." said Toidi.

"Can Zim go wreak havoc and collect snacks now?"

"Snacks? This planet has no snacks." said Steve half dead, half zombified out of boredom and frustration.

"EH?" said Zim.

'This is Snackdeathia . We don't have snacks…..or fun…." said Toidi.

"OR BRAINS….delicious BRAINS….." said Steve.

"No snacks?"

'Nope…in fact if you even mention snacks on this planet…you get beat up…" said Toidi.

"and drained of your sweet organs especially your BRAIN…." said Steve.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!BUT ZIM LIKE HIS SUPERIOR ORGANS! " yelled Zim running toward his ship.

"And kids remember…always have your daily supply of BRWAINS!" said Steve looking at the readers.

_See, I promised longer chapters and I gave them to you. Maybe I should eat candy more often. If you spell Toidi backwards you spell a word and if you spell Steve backwards, you get something that makes no sense what so ever. Thank you all for reviews! Now I will update way sooner is you review. Until then Link out!_


	4. Poor,poor Dib

_Sorry it took so long to update….I had writers block and by writers block I mean I just got lazy. Oh whatever…Half of you will probably skip this and just read the actual story. So I'll shut up. THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS!_

"What? Are we on? Wait no! I still need my- Um… Welcome to channel 333 news. Where we are half the evil but all the -what the heck does this say? Who writes this stuff!" said the TV news anchor person for channel 333 who is about to do a report that is showing all across the entire Ball of Dirt Filth (Earth) to announce the new Pizza god. Someone behind the background came up and whispered something into the anchorman's ear. "FINE! I don't care if I'm fired! You can't do any WORSE!" The same person comes up again and whispers something else which makes the news person thing that announces stuff shudder in fear. "Ok- Now here's Colette Imreallylazy with the full story."

**At the scene:**

"Thanks Anchorperson. I'm here with Gir, the new pizza god." said a tall blond reporter standing in front of a large crowd gathered around Gir. The Blond reporter, Colette, pushes people to get through and near the end she pushes a person down a cliff that appeared out of nowhere leading to a bottomless pit. "Now Gir how do you feel about being the pizza god?"

"Um…." said Gir as he shrugged his shoulders.

"WONDERFUL! Now what new Pizza are you coming up with?"

"One with pizza, glue, and waffles! WAFFLES I LIKE TO MAKE!" yelled Gir standing on his head.

"Uh-huh. Now what will this Pizza taste like?"

"Purple!" Yelled Gir dancing.

Far far away Dib is in his house watching this ordeal with Professor Membrane and Gaz.

"I can't believe it! People are nearly worshipping that little robot!" yelled Dib. "I mean- How can't the see that he isn't a dog? Huh-Gaz? Huh! I mean what kind of Dogs are green? Huh!"

"What? Oh I stopped listening as soon as your mouth opened." said Gaz playing her GameSlave 2.

"You should listen to your sister, Jim."

"Dib." said Dib.

"Of course, that's why you're my smart child!" said Membrane.

"Whatever. I know this has to be one of Zim's evil plans to destroy all Mankind. WAH HA HA! Wait did I just laugh evilly? And why am I talking to myself? Oh well, now to stop Gir from being even more powerful before something evil happens!" said Dib as he ran outside.

Membrane then picked up his cell phone and dialed 555-Crazy. "Yeah it's me again Frank. My son seems to be talking INSANE! Could you stuff him in a sack till he's LESS INSANE! Ok, thanks, Frank" said Membrane hanging up.

"Now where would a pizza loving robot be?" said Dib stopping after hours of running. "Where could it be? SOMEONE GIVE ME A SIGN!" Right on cue a giant computer which had fallen off a speeding Car crushed Dib. "Ow. Hey! A computer! I could use this to find out where that horribly disguised robot is! Thank you anonymous person whom which I don't know that dropped this Computer which will help me stop mankind from being destroyed! Man, that was a mouthful. Am I talking to myself again? Man I do that a lot. Like right now."

Dib researched and found out that Gir was currently at Bloaty Pizza Hog in a meeting with President Man.

**Bloaty's Pizza Hog:**

**"**There it is, Bloaty's. I have to show the world that Gir isn't what everyone thinks he is!" said Dib talking to himself in front of Bloaty's. Since President Man was inside, the whole place was guarded and no one except those who had invitations could enter until Gir and President Man's meeting was over. Dib was determined to get inside and wasn't going to be intimidated by a few guards. He walked straight toward the front door when a giant man with humongous club stopped him.

"Halt! No one may enter until the meeting is over!" said the man with the giant club.

"But I need to go in! The president, no the WORLD might be in danger!" yelled Dib.

"HA! Don't make me cry out in hysterical laughter."

"BUT- It's true! Gir is - OW!" Dib cried in pain as the guy hit him with the club.

"You must call him PIZZA LORD GIR!"

"Sure, whatever. Can I go in?"

"Sorry, NO!"

"OW! Why did you do that for?"

"For you being an idiot!"

"I'm so close. I can't quit now. HEY LOOK OVER THERE, A UFO!" Yelled Dib pointing to the sky.

"Nice try. I'm not falling for that."

"You're right, it's just a cloud."

"A CLOUD? WHERE!" While the guard was distracted, Dib ran inside as fast as he could.

"Yes, I made-oof! Ow. What did I hit?" Dib looked up and saw an extremely tall guy with a little evil grin on his face.

"Hello. I'm Johnny and who might you be?"

"D-Dib."

"Hi Dib. Now for running into me this is what I'm going to do to you." Dib's eyes grew wide as he listened.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_ cough cough_ AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yelled Dib running outside trying to get away from Johnny.

**A few minutes after Dib got over the fact that now he has a homicidal maniac after him:**

"AHHHHHHH!"

**Oops. Guess he's still not over it. Wait. Now he is:**

"Okay. I'm okay. Now I need another plan to get in. One that does not involve meeting with that Johnny guy again. Now let's see. That's it! I will- figure something out! Now I need to think even though it hurts me to do so. I GOT IT! The sewer!"

Dib crawled into the sewer gate heading toward Bloaty's. The smell inside almost made him faint but he crept along. Then after what seemed like forever he crashed into a giant door. The door that led directly into Bloaty's bathroom. Unfortunately, there seemed to be a giant lock to keep people from coming in.

"Damn. Ok how about I try 3, 15, and 24? Nope. Damn." said Dib trying to crack the combination.

"Try 7, 21, and 23."

"Hey, it worked. Thanks-" Dib stopped as he looked back to see who gave him the combination.

"Hello again, Dib. You didn't let me finish last time."

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH! JOHNNY!" shouted Dib.

"Aaaaaahhhh, Johnny? I like the sound of that. Now time to finish this, Dib."

"Hey look over there, something a homicidal maniac might like!"

"Huh?"

Dib once again ran screaming at the top of his lungs.

"You're not going to escape from me again, DIB!" yelled Johnny chasing after Dib.

Dib jumped out the sewers and started running toward Bloaty's. It was about the only place to run to. Johnny wasn't too far behind Dib though. The same guard that stopped Dib again stood in his way.

"Halt!"

"SORRY I CAN'T! SOME WACKY PERSON IS CHASING ME! " yelled Dib running into the restaurant.

"Did you just call me wacky? You are going to pay!" yelled Johnny pushing down the guard and following Dib into the restaurant.

Dib looked around quickly and spotted Gir and President Man. He ran franticly toward them, pushing down tables and not caring who he ran into. Johnny wasn't far behind and this time he had a scythe.

"So um… Gir. What are your pastimes?" asked President Man.

"Well. I likey to- Hey! It's Big-head boy! Hi big head boy!" yelled Gir spotting Dib.

"President Man! Gir isn't what you think he is! He's really- AAAAAHHHHH!" yelled Dib as he dodged the scythe.

"That boy dares scream at me? President Man? Someone stop him!"

"Hey, Big head boy! Are you hungry? Really hungry?" asked Gir as he stuffed a pizza down Dib's throat.

"No, Gir!I-I'm Choking!"

"Yeah, stop. I want to destroy him." said Johnny.

"EVERYONE STOP!" yelled President Man. Everyone froze. Johnny was about to hit Dib with the scythe, Gir was in the middle of dancing the chicken dance, and Dib was covered in pizza and sweat. " "Okay. Now the Pizza Lord Gir has saved me from being shouted at! He doesn't deserve to be the Pizza Lord!"

"YES!" yelled Dib.

"Therefore, he shall now be the Vice President Man!"

"NO!" yelled Dib.

"And as for this fellow." said President Man looking at Johnny. "For trying to destroy the person who yelled at me he is now the person in charge of all the stuff that goes boom! "

"NO!" yelled Dib.

"HA! You're going to pay Dib. Next time you wake up, you will be swimming with the fishes."

"But I'm already awake."

"Well- You know what I mean."

"Oh. How can this get any worse?" said Dib.

"As for the kid who shouted at me… throw him in jail!" Immediately the guard came and dragged Dib out.

"I had to open my mouth."

_Now that school's out I can probably update way sooner. And again, sorry for the wait, I'll try not to be as lazy. Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW!_


	5. Let's all sing!

_This chapter scares me…and **I** wrote it._

Dib sat in his jail cell miserably. He seemed to have lost all hope. But on a good note, Dib had found brand knew cell mates!

"So what are you in for?" Dib asked an enormous monster of a human.

_"_I beat up a guy for having a big head. He had it coming." the monster said as he pounded the wall with his fists.

"Help." Dib whispered as he crouched in a corner. All of a sudden, the jail cell's door opened and a guard came in.

"Dib." he said looking toward the curled up, scared Dib in the corner.

"What?" Dib said trembling. He managed to get up careful to lock eyes with the huge monster that was in the cell with him.

"Your time has come." the guard said.

"You mean I'm going to die?" asked Dib.

"What? No. No. Um…. Almighty Johnny has given you a chance at freedom. Will you take the Butts?"

"Butts?"

"Answer yes or no."

"Um…If you tell me what are the Butts?"

"Yes or no."

"Well…"

"YES OR NO! ANSWER!"

"YES!YES!" yelled Dib.

"Very well. Come with me." the guard said as he dragged Dib out of the cell.

The guard finally let Dib go in what seemed to be a vast desert. Dib looked around and he managed to spot some walls filled with a roaring crowd. Dib soon realized that this was not a desert but a giant battle arena. He looked up and saw a skybox with 3 people inside.

"Welcome Dib." said one of persons inside the skybox. Dib immediately recognized the voice.

"Johnny?" Dib asked.

"Come on. We've known each other for so long, call me Nny."

"But I just met you yesterday."

"DON'T QUESTION NNY!" Johnny yelled.

"HI BIG HEAD BOY!" yelled another voice in the skybox. It was Gir.

"SQUEAK!" squeaked the remaining person, or should I say animal in the skybox. Dib looked toward the squeak and saw a little moose.

"What's with the moose?"

"MINIMOOSE!" yelled Gir.

"What?" asked Dib.

"Minimoose, Dib. Remember the green kid's other sidekick?" said Nny.

"I think I saw him once, but I never really learned much about him."

"Blame Nickelodeon." said Nny.

"I do. I curse them all the time."

"Well, great. But we are getting off topic."

"What topic?"

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT QUESTIONING ME!" yelled Nny.

"I'm sorry! Just don't yell again. It scares me."

"Okay. Are you ready to take the trials?"

"What trials?"

"ENOUGH WITH THE QUESTIONS! You never listen don't you? Well, the President Man is at a meeting with the world leaders. If you pass my and the green puppy's and the moose's, you are free to tell the world whatever you want. Got it?"

"Yeah, I think I do."

"But if you fail, I get the pleasure of cutting that enormous head of yours of your torso. But enough of that want a cupcake?"

"Sure."

"THAT WAS THE FIRST BUTT AND YOU FAILED!"

"NO! What this about butts?"

"Here in President Land trials are called Butts. Okay?"

"How did that get started?"

"You don't want to know."

"So, I failed the first trial?"

"Nah, I was just messing with your mind."

"Phew." sighed Dib.

"HA! THAT WAS ANOTHER BUTT AND YOU FAILED!"

"Really?"

"No. Man, can't you take a joke? Anyway Gir's Butt goes first."

"YEAH BIG HEAD BOY!" yelled Gir. "I want you to play Gir Says with me!"

"You've got to be kidding."

"Nope. Let's play!" Gir jumped out of the skybox and landed on Dib.

"The game works like Simon says. You must do what Gir tells you to do for five whole minutes. Get it, got it, good. NOW BEGIN!" said Nny.

"Gir says…do the chicken dance!" yelled the little Green puppy.

"It's for the sake of the world." said Dib to himself as he danced.

"Um…Gir says…." said Gir thinking. Dib kept on dancing like the insane maniac he is.

**4.99 Minutes later:**

"GIR! YOUR BUTT'S OVER!DIB HAS WON!" yelled Johnny. "Now get back here!"

"But me need to think!" yelled Gir. Johnny made a weird face and Gir ran back.

"HA! That was too easy. Even easier than foiling any one of Zim's plan!" Dib yelled proudly.

"We'll see about that. Because now it's time for my evil-"

"CHICKEN!" yelled Gir.

(Awkward silence)

"No..Gir. It's time for-" started Nny.

"HAPPY SONG TIME!" yelled Gir. And since he was the vice president anything he says goes. Everyone stared at Gir.

"COME ON LET'S SING!" yelled Gir as he grabbed a microphone.

"What do we sing?" asked Dib.

"FOLLOW ME!" Yelled Gir as he began to sing to the tune of Yankee Doodle "JOHNNY IS A MANIAC FROM VASQUEZ'S IMAGINATION! AND WHEN HE'S BORED HE LIKES TO KILL BIG HEADED CHILDREN!"

"Why ME!" yelled Nny. Dib started laughing hysterically.

"Johnny has many friends, they come in many sizes, unfortunately for him they are all dead!" Sang Gir "THEY ARE ALL DEAD! NOW THE NEXT VERSE!"

"NO! PLEASE GIR DON'T!AND MY FRIENDS AREN'T DEAD!" yelled Nny.

"Continue!" yelled Dib almost exploding because of the laughter.

"Now Johnny hates Dib boy, so does master. So this is what Johnny does: he stuffs him in a sack, closes all the air holes, uses a match then BOOM! DIB has gone bye-bye!" Dib stopped laughing, and Johnny was taking notes.

"Sack….Air holes…Boom!" mumbled Johnny as he wrote. Minimoose squeaked.

"Ok, I've had my fill of this." said Dib as he jumped to the sky box and grabbed Gir.

"Aw. If you wanted a hug you could have just asked me." said Gir. Dib faced the crowd.

"SEE THIS!" yelled Dib holding up Gir. "THIS IS NOT A PUPPY!" Dib took off the head piece revealing the robot head.

"HIYA! I LIKE CORN…." said Gir waving to the crowd.

"AAAAAHHHHHHH! THAT BOY HAS RIPPED ALL THE SKIN OFF THE HEAD OF OUR BELOVED PUPPY RULER!" yelled a random person in the crowd. Suddenly, an angry mob chased after Dib. Dib still held on to Gir. He wasn't letting him go. He ran out a huge door that was left open so the prisoners of the jail could escape.

After running for his very life for about two hours, Dib finally escaped the angry mob by hiding in an abandoned bacon factory.

"YAY, BACON!" yelled Gir stuffing his face with the greasy goodness.(I know that doesn't sound right)

"Gir! Be quiet!" yelled Dib as he gasped for breath. " I wonder what's the punishment for stealing the vice president ."

"You won't get punished." said another voice. Dib looked toward the voice and stared in awe.

_This chapter was a little more insane than the others oh and part of the Johnny song isn't mine. The first verse was written by a friend and the second verse is mine. I have the next chapter done but I'll only post it if people review. _

_**Next chapter: Pimples and insane creators.**_


	6. Pimples and Insane Thoughts

_I'm sorry if certain people act a little strange. I'm warning you right now. Certain people will act strange. And I'm sorry for the weird beginning to this chapter. _

Dib looked toward the mysterious voice and saw Minimoose. Dib stood there puzzled then Minimoose vanished in a puff of smoke revealing a man with glasses and red hair and a black trench coat.

"Hello. I know that you won't go to jail."

"I won't go to jail?" Dib asked the mysterious man.

"Nope. You'll be executed!" said the man. Dib fainted with the sound of the word executed.

"Hey, Dib. Wake up." said the man.

"What? How do you my name?" asked Dib.

"I know everybody's name. I know that the green puppy is actually a robot in disguise."

"How do you know that!" asked a shocked Dib.

"I am your creator."

"God?"

"No! I'm Jhonen, you idiot!"

"Oh…" said Dib. "I don't get it."

"I created you." said Jhonen.

"So you're my Dad?" asked Dib. Jhonen slapped Dib.

"No! Listen!" yelled Jhonen.

"If you're my creator what is my last name?" asked Dib.

"I think it's Membrane."

"No it's not." said Dib.

"Then what is it?"

"I …don't know."

"Bravo. I found a kid who doesn't know his last name. Lucky me."

"I have one question. Why did you come out of a moose?"

"It was a disguise."

"Oh. Why a moose?"

"Man, you are even more insane in person."

"NO I'm not! Well-maybe."

"Have you been in a nut house?" asked Jhonen.

"Yes, I have. Everything was so nice and white and peaceful. And everyday for lunch they would serve us old moldy cheese. "

"Ok…. I think-" started Jhonen but he got interrupted by Dib.

"It was perfect. Then one day it happened. We were on a field trip to the Grand Canyon. Billie, the kid with the hideous rash, had eaten my cheese! MY CHEESE! Sure he was in a wheelchair, sure he had a rash, but that is no excuse for stealing my cheese! So I pushed him off the cliff! He went down screaming and I never saw him again. Then I got kicked out of the happy white place."

(Silence. Awkward silence)

"Hi! WANT SOME BACON!" yelled Gir coming up with a mouth full of bacon grease.

"You are insane." said Jhonen pointing at Dib. "Never, ever. Never ever ever never never ever never tell your story of the nut house again. For everyone's sake."

"Hi want some bacon?" asked Gir again this time waving a bacon piece in front of Jhonen's head.

"Why? Did my story scare you?" asked Dib.

"No. It just gave me the urge to cut someone's head off."

"BACON!" yelled Gir throwing the bacon at Dib's already greasy head.

"Gir! Stop I'm allergic!" yelled Dib as he screamed in pain. Jhonen pulled out a popcorn bag and started to enjoy the show.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" yelled Dib running around with Gir chasing after him throwing more bacon.

"BACON, BACON, BACON!" yelled Gir.

"AHHHHHHHHHH! GIR no more! No more! Look over there, bacon tacos!" yelled Dib. Gir quickly ran toward the "bacon tacos".

"ME can't find them! BACON!" yelled Gir.

"They're just invisible!" yelled Dib trying to scrub off the bacon grease. As he scrubbed the horribly potent smell of the grease off. He noticed a red mark on his right cheek. It quickly grew into….a pimple!

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Dib into the sky.

"Whoa. That's one huge pimple." said Jhonen Vasquez. The pimple started to grow quickly. Pretty soon it was the size of Dib's head.

"Wait. Maybe I can hypnotize Jhonen and Gir like Zim did to everyone at school. Heh-heh." said Dib facing Jhonen. "Look into my blemish!" yelled Dib. Jhonen smiled, pulled out a needle and popped Dib's enormous pimple causing him to roll around the floor in pain.

"Come on, you really think that would have worked against me?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" yelled Dib rolling around.

"You have screaming problems, don't you?" asked Jhonen Vasquez. "What the heck are you trying to do in a bacon factory, anyways?"

"AHH! What are you doing in a bacon factory?"

"At the moment, torturing you."

"Well, I'm trying to save the world!"

"That's nice."

"Zim is trying to rule the world by sending his pet to do his evil bidding. BIDDING! And I-" while Dib is talking endlessly Gir and Jhonen are playing poker.

"-Blah Blah blah. That kid sure loves talking." said Jhonen Vasquez.

"Yup." said Gir eating the 'invisible' bacon tacos.

"Hey, are you even listening to me!" yelled Dib.

"Zzz…what?" said Gir.

"What? Sorry I was busy counting my hair." said Jhonen.

"Come on! LISTEN!"

"What?" asked Jhonen. Dib frowned.

"That's it. I guess I'm going to have to force you to listen!" said Dib pulling handcuff out of his pocket and locking himself to Jhonen.

"Where did you get the handcuffs?" asked Jhonen.

"I was in jail. They give these out free."

"Oh."

"Now. I'll release you if as soon as you listen to all I have to say." said Dib. He soon explained everything.

"Okay. So you are trying to prove that Gir is a robot whose master is trying to take over the world?" Dib nodded. "Ok. Now can you release me?"

"Of course." said Dib looking for the key with his free hand. After several minutes of searching, Dib looks at Jhonen and smiles. "Oops. I think I lost the key."

"That's not all you're going to lose if you don't find it quick!" Dib looked around the factory, so did Jhonen. Then they found Gir. They found Gir swallowing they key.

"Tastes purplelious!" yelled Gir.

"NO! I'M STUCK STAPPED TO A MANIAC WHO GOT KICKED OUT OF THE NUT HOUSE!" yelled Jhonen into the sky.

_Poor Jhonen. I don't know how Jhonen Vasquez, the greatest person ever to live, acts so don't flame me just on how he acts. The next chapter should be up in a few days so it's not a long wait. Thank you anyone who has read this story!_


	7. Johnny is happy?

_Hello! Thank you for the reviews!_

"Why must everything happen to me! WHY!" yelled Jhonen. He was handcuffed to none other than Dib.

"Because if it didn't happen to you, it would….I don't know." said Dib.

"That was a sad attempt at humor." said Jhonen.

"Want some Jalapenos?" asked Gir stuffing the peppers down Jhonen's throat.

"Where did you get those?" asked Dib.

"Mmhm…muh..muh…MUCK!" yelled Jhonen trying to swallow the peppers.

"I keep them in my head." said Gir.

"Why?" asked Dib, Gir just shrugged his shoulders.

"Hey, Dib." said Jhonen.

"What?" Jhonen pulled on the handcuffs causing Dib to trip.

"What does the floor taste like?" asked Jhonen.

"Oh wait! I know!" yelled Gir who bent down to lick the floor.

"I'm surrounded by idiots."

"No you're not, you're handcuffed to one!" said Dib getting up.

"Sad attempt Dib. Sad attempt."

"Where are you Dib?" said a familiar voice.

"NO! It's Johnny!" yelled Dib hiding behind Jhonen.

"And this just keeps getting weirder and weirder."

"Aha! I have you now!" yelled Nny finding Dib, Jhonen, and Gir. "Now Dib you have two choices. This knife! Or this Knife!"

"Can I have another choice?" asked Dib.

"No, you have to choose."

"But I don't want to."

"Fine, then I'll use both."

"NO!" yelled Dib.

"Now Dib, you have to chose what Johnny is going to destroy you with." said Jhonen.

"How do you know my name!" yelled Johnny.

"I'm not going through all that again." said Mr. Vasquez. "Let's just say I'm the ruler of everything and anything you see."

"Eh- Works for me." said Johnny. "Now to destroy Dib!" Dib panicked and then ran dragging Jhonen Vasquez behind him. Dib and Jhonen then hid behind a huge vat of bacon grease.

"Why did you drag over here? I was starting to like Johnny." said Jhonen.

"I need to get away, quickly. He was going to destroy me!"

"And I was going to watch you being destroyed by Johnny! See I even made popcorn!"

"But he couldn't have killed me anyways! This is K+ fic. They can't have any gory details, or kill me! SO ha!" yelled Dib.

"Hey the author could have just changed the rating, and if he couldn't kill you why did you run away?"

"For a reason I shall never reveal to the world!"

"Why are we talking about this?" asked Jhonen.

"Because…we have nothing better to do, but babble about things that don't make sense."

"That made sense." said Jhonen. "Hey where's Gir?"

"We left him with Johnny." said Dib, shuddering as he said the name 'Johnny'.

**To Johnny and Gir we go:**

"Damn it! He escaped again." said Johnny. He looked toward Gir, he was eating bacon.

"Hey." said Johnny getting Gir's attention. "Can I have some bacon?"

"Nope! My bacon!"

"You dare not complete the whishes of an angry homicidal maniac!" yelled Johnny. Gir started laughing hysterically. "What's so funny?"

"You know big words." said Gir smiling.

"Give me the bacon!" yelled Johnny.

"No." said Gir. Then he started giggling.

"Don't make me jam this knife into that tiny little head of yours, which is empty." said Johnny. Gir continued giggling. "You didn't understand a word I said, didn't you?"

"Nope."

"Give me what I desire! Give it to me!"

"JALAPENOS!" yelled Gir stuffing peppers down Johnny's throat.

"Mhm..muh..muh!" yelled Nny choking on the peppers. (Translation: I like boom stuff.)

"Aw. Don't choke Nny. Here got you some chocolate bubblegum!"

"I don't want any chocolate bubblegum!" yelled Nny, finally swallowing the peppers.

"Want this hammer?" asked Gir, pulling a hammer out of his head.

"Hey, I could use that to hit Dib. All right give it to me!" yelled Nny. Gir then hit Nny on the head with the hammer, hard. Nny fainted and fell to the ground.

"Aw. I guess he didn't want Mr. Hammer after all." said Gir. Dib and Jhonen ran to the unconscious Johnny.

"Is he dead?" asked Dib.

"He's just unconscious." said Jhonen. After much poking and staring at the fainted Johnny, Nny started to regain consciousness.

"Hey what happened?" said Johnny getting up.

"Get away! He wants to kill me!" yelled Dib hiding behind Jhonen.

"One minute, when you're not looking, I'm going to chop your arm off, so I can be free." said Jhonen looking toward the metal that kept him and Dib attached to one another.

"Chop his arm off?" started Nny. "That would be awful!" Everyone's jaw dropped except Gir's. He had no clue what was going on.

"Please tell me you said 'That would be awesome'." said Jhonen.

"What a cute doggie!" yelled Nny picking up Gir and hugging him.

"That hammer to the head must have done drain damage. Neat." said Dib.

"All of you are so kind. Why don't you come with me to my room in the white house? I need to cover all the nasty black color off the wall and paint it a happier brighter color. I'm thinking a pink. What do you think?" asked Nny.

"I think I'm going to be sick." said Jhonen. "Johnny! Remember who you are! You are a Homicidal Maniac! Come on! You are too cool to be downgraded to this!Now kill something! Anything!Preferably Dib." Jhonen said. He looked around and didn't see Johnny. "Hey, where did he go?"

"Hey! What do you think of this?" said Johnny coming back with a different look. He had dyed his hair blond and made it into an afro. He wore a bright red shirt bearing the words: Let's all be happy! Happy! His black pants had been replaced by jeans. Odd colored jeans. Yellow and orange striped jeans. He had also gotten a membership to the 'Smile insanely and help everyone club'.

"Oh my gosh!" yelled Jhonen.

"He looks like something out of the Cat and the Hat!" yelled Dib.

"Ah. Don't be jelous my friend. For you too can look like this in the end." said Johnny.

"AHH! That rhymed! Johnny stop rhyming!" yelled Jhonen, shocked.

"I can't help it. It's who I am. Do you want some ham?" Nny said.

"AHH! There's only one thing to do!" yelled Jhonen grabbing the hammer out of Gir's head.

"Aw. Jhonen you look sad. Did you do something bad?"

"Not me! You! Stop acting all goody-goody!" yelled Jhonen raising the hammer.

"No, Jhonen. Give me that!" said Johnny, taking the hammer away from Jhonen. "Now looks like someone needs to learn how to behave. I'll give you the hammer when you learn to use your indoor voice." Nny said.

"Hey! Nobody tells me to behave! I am your creator! Now listen to your master and pound yourself with that hammer!" yelled Jhonen. Suddenly you could hear a chorus of kittens coming from Johnny's pocket.

"Ah. The kittens! Do you know what that means?" asked Johnny.

"It's time to clean out your pockets?" asked Dib.

"It's time to hit yourself with the hammer, so you can back to being back to your normal self, then kill Dib for your enjoyment as I watch eating my popcorn, which is getting colder as we speak?" asked Jhonen. "Please say that's the time!"

"Uh-no. As a member of the smile insanely and Help Others Club, I need to make more people smile! So we are taking a field trip to the White house! Isn't that great!" yelled Nny. "Doesn't it make you feel all happy and warm inside?"

"No…" said Dib and Johnny in unison.

"Well, of course you're not happy. We need to sing the happy song! "yelled Nny. "Come on sing! I Love you, you love me!"

"Let's get together and kill this fake Johnny." sang Dib.

"Good job Dib! You get a lollipop!" yelled Nny giving Dib a cherry lollipop.

"We have to turn Johnny back to normal." said Jhonen.

"Why? I kinda like this new Johnny." said Dib.

"No more talking! It's time for our field trip!" yelled Nny as he loaded everyone into a huge bus that came out of nowhere.

"Every time he speaks, it makes me want to throw up." said Jhonen.

"If he takes us to the white house we can make Gir reassign his position. Thus saving earth." said Dib.

"I'm starting to not like Earth." said Jhonen.

"Come on! We need to save the Earth!" yelled Dib.

"Fine, but if he starts singing-"

"The wheels on the car go round and round." sang Johnny.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" yelled Jhonen.

_Another chapter ending with Jhonen screaming. OOC Johnny is scary. He gave me nightmares. _Please_ review and No flames. _


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